NOVEMBER. He is absolutely in love with a wretch like me.
If I were to give my life a title, it would be Amazing grace.
I used to assume that "a wretch like me" defines a specific type of people, but not me. Well, even though I always knew I am not perfect, but ...
As day goes by and months turn into year, I constantly deal with ups and downs in my life. Twenty five years so far. Picture my life as if I was on a roller coaster, myself with my way of thinking, my mixed-up emotions-and-feelings, my life-changing decisions. All of them crowned with some regrets, a lot of hopes, my lovely studies, my dear career, my precious people, my beautiful memories, my sweet love ... My life is quite messy at times but the securing truth remains the same: God loves me, unconditionally. Yes HE loves me no matter what I do.
This month particularly, taught me how things can happen suddenly while others occur slowly. As ... lukewarmness and love. These two are so different that you wonder how come can a person feel them at the same time. Well, it's possible. I remember how terrified I was one night, then tired and depressed the following day before ending up crying on Jesus' shoulder. A few days later, I was in cloud nine because of another story I was not expecting at all. Meanwhile, I am still slowly dealing with this difficult personality that I carry with me -lol. I try to do good things when I can't do things in a good way. Several times, I am losing focus and start worrying <...> I tend to appreciate too much the gifts that I forget the Giver.
Then, today I realize that God still generously pours His grace on the life of "a wretch like me". I admit that I still make tons of mistakes, I repeat some of them and make new ones. Then, I come back to the cross and repent. Then, I fail again and again... I know that it's not a single time-process, it's an ongoing one. Especially when I think again of where I'v been, what i'v done then how far did God brought me, I can humbly approach His throne. I realize it, I need to ask the Father to grow my love for Him. Certainly, at my request, He will answer... But as in any relationship, I bring my part. My time, my devotion, the words of my mouth, the meditation of my heart and my listening because I tend to speak too much so that I fail to listen.
Yes, deep down, we know that this life on earth is not meant to be forever. Home is in heaven. My prayer is just that during this glimpse of eternity, I may Turn (my) eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.
#DecemberGoal : Don’t Just Coast Through Life, Grow Through Life
